FIoNa DaNIeLLe ChOo

Because I love my job

2011-09-12T21:22:00.003+08:00

It has never crossed my mind that one day I will have a profession that I am having as today. What's my job then? I prefer not to mention the specific one but generally I am glad that I am an educator. I am not just a teacher who teach nor a lecturer who lecture but I educate which comprises it all. Sometimes I laugh at myself thinking of how did I end up with this profession (I would rather use "profession" rather than "job"..tq). I think my teachers must have put some curse on me for I had regularly absent from school and now as an educator, I just could not absent like I used to do. Friends have been asking me this very direct question, "Do you like your job?" and I used to respond this "OK lah, boleh lah." I know I sound like I'm not satisfied with my job (in some parts of the job, yes I'm not satisfied and please tell the boss) because I'm not into teaching yet, I'm just not ready yet. As months passed by and surprisingly I am still not into teaching and I don't know why. However, I can't deny that I love to share my knowledge. It's not to show off that I'm good but it's more to satisfaction. Looking at the faces of those who are listening to every single word that come out of my lips is a real passion to me. I could be nothing more than happier seeing those faces curve a tiny smile showing that they have gotten something out of all the things that I have spoken out to them. If with that little knowledge that they collect everyday could change their life forever then I guess that I am in the absolutely right profession. Listening to the kids' converse bout their everyday life sometimes get me thinking bout mine too...because mine is not any better than theirs I'm sure. And when they ask me for solutions, I eventually helping myself to solve my own matter and when they ask for advice, I somehow is giving advice for myself too and when they gossip, I, out of nowhere is gossiping too hahahaa. I know I started to cater for them because I know that I somehow love my job.

.............

2011-08-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

After months leaving this blog without any update, there's a sudden urge I feel in me telling me to write something or maybe anything. It's August now while my last writing was in March. Reconstructing was what my life is about these past few months...just trying to grab a happy life again. My working life is as usual coloured my days, the students are the main reason that keeps me going on to be an educator, friends and colleagues are still the sweetest thing that I am grateful for and being single is still not a problem to me. These are what I have reconstructed...a new pathway.Not to mention my reconstructed mission and vision of life...hurmm not that easy to live up to the dreams till I lost friends along the way. If you wonder on what have I done till I lost some friends, my answer will be "I have no idea". I don't think I've mistreated them nor talking bad about them. Honestly, I do miss the friends that I lost...I miss talking to them, texting them, laughing with them and sharing with them. However, if ignoring me is their perfect choice then I shall respect the decision. Whether I am happy or not with what I have now I just can't tell. As far as I am concerned, I am grateful with what I have in my life now and every penny that I received. The future I just can't predict but to create the path that I have been planning to reach my dreams is something that I am on now. Ups and downs are the greatest lessons one could have to learn about life.

The Pathway

2011-03-18T23:46:00.003+08:00

I just realized that I didn't post anything since new year. Nothing much to change anyway except for my age. Just as years before, I give no attention in making resolutions what's more to change a thing. I'm still searching for the perfect path of my life though it's not clear where could I find it. After being deeply upset to leave Bangi, I guess the exact time has approached to reconstruct a new life back in my hometown. There are times when I just could not bear to turn a new leaf although the ending story of my so-called fairy tale is already a crystal clear. But nevermind of that as I have no objection on the journey of my current life and I am in fact love the way it is. Personally I think it is just a matter of time for us to get back to zero. So many things to discover yet so little time is given but I'm glad because we moved away before it's too late. How time flies I just have never realized that now I'm waiting for the final decision, now that I'm fully incharged of my own life. Somehow I can't deny that I do learn something so much more than valuable, something that turns out to be the perfect guideline of my life. I don't learn it the hard way but I sink and swim with it in the sweetest way.

I'm screwed

2010-12-07T01:41:00.004+08:00

Let it go says part of me and the other part says just stay. Now I'm really left with bad dilemma. It's the worst situation ever and I kinda really sick of it. Maybe it's true that I was holding back myself all these while and shut my eyes to falsely see what lies beneath this so-called relationship. In fact, I don't even know when all this started and now I'm lost in this maze. I was puzzled the moment I get to know how bad our future could be if we stick together. Though there are times when he can be really adorable but still the absence of some attitudes can be more painful. Yes I do appreciate and accept him the way he is but somehow we got to give and take to work out on something. I don't expect him to change but I do hope he understands what it takes to work out a relationship. It's silly for me to say that sometimes I have no idea of what he wants from the relationship. The other day he apologized for the fake hope he gave then made me believe how badly he wanted to be with me on the days after. Now that we are far apart and it screwed me for now I don't know what I should do regarding this relationship; should I move on for I have known the bad situation we are facing or should I stay with him for the sake of feelings I have for him or maybe should I act like nothing happen and just let it fade away. It drives me crazy that sometimes I hope that one day when I wake up in the morning I might just lost all the memories.

My Heart, My Best Friend

2010-11-27T04:35:00.002+08:00

If you ask me why I love you
I bet that you don’t think it’s true
But it wouldn’t make you blue
Cause this story is about you

It’s true that I don’t know you
What’s more if to love you
The type I avoid to know to
It’s not something that I have to
To love someone that I’m not into

To meet you is not purposeful
Even to know you I must be a fool
But you seem to be playful
And I started to get joyful
Then this love seems to be cool

You said you’re not perfect
Asking why you I would take
But who’s perfect
Life is neither white nor black
And to love is not about perfect

You are the decision I make
To love as long as I hold the breath
But we can’t live as masquerade
When this heart starts to crack
It’s not love that we are lack
But this love that people can’t take

They can’t be our ally
Though this love can’t be eternally
It’s true to let go can’t be easily
Sometimes I think this is silly
Build the love and burn it but not willingly

Desolate thus we turn our back
To lie instead of to hold back
As try saving the love that is to break
Pretend we are strong to separate
Alas, no I can’t move a step

You’re my heart, my best friend
Like a moissanite in the sand
Shining through among the plain
Giving me faith that I need to mend
Yes I’ve love you the best that I can
I said to stay till the very end
For you are more than just heaven sent

The perfection

2010-11-06T02:52:00.003+08:00

It is just for 3 days but it is already enough to get me spinning around. What's more to be in long distance for 8 months soon? And what's worse to be separated for life after the 8 months trial? Oh my, it is such a disaster. You would not understand what I'm babbling about out here. Well, it is just an unwanted situation printed on my unseen real-life agenda. I don't know how to say it out loud nor to find a word that would perfectly express it all. Nobody wants to be in the situation like mine and me myself don't want it either if it's mean to bring me down. Now I'm starting to feel the heat of being apart, what the fish how terrible it feels like. Imagining the days without him is like watching the rain pouring down outside the window; melancholy and dull. Sounds like love is in the air, isn't it? Somehow it's not because of where the love is but rather what's the love is. Some say nothing is perfect then practice makes perfect but I say perfect doesn't guarantee perfection. He said he's not perfect but one single thing he doesn't understand is that I'm looking for sense of security instead of perfection. It is security that bridges love to trust and faith...the essential components that I believe in. How dear he is to me he has never known...I guess he will never know. It is just a taste of perfect love that approach me like a balmy breeze, the one that will be a piece of memory the time we let it go.

The last call

2010-10-23T03:45:00.004+08:00

22 October 2010 is the final day of lecture. There is no more occasions called ‘lecture’ after this day. It is really like a blink of an eye though. I’ve completed my four years course in UKM, I’ve spent four years in the place called National University of Malaysia and now I’ve reached the end of the journey. Things are not the same as I expected before where I don’t think I’ll be sad to leave UKM as I will occupy myself with work and kids back at hometown. That feeling seems to be a lie at this moment because I do feel miserable to leave this place. Yeah I know I’ll leave for good because life goes on, I just feel unhappy to leave the place that is dear to me…the place that I learn how to be a person (laugh). A Malay proverb goes “jauh perjalanan, luas pengalaman”. Everywhere in Malaysia is the same and basically the people are just the same but what make them different are their perceptions. Some are very typical that even to look at their faces will make us very resentful. Some are just nice that make you feel at peace while some are seasonal that I don’t even know how to explain. People are different in nature so learn to accept who they are and to ignore is the best way to avoid some unwanted companion. I still can’t believe it’s almost the end of journey in here…this is the last call as UKMer.

.....

2010-09-30T00:28:00.001+08:00

To start it off...well it is quite OK today. My days went well where I can laugh till tears pouring down, I can make stupid jokes to entertain the people around me and most important is that I am back on the track in study and in life. I am recovering I guess from that day's incident...alas! it was a very frustrating day. I just can't believe it happened right at that moment then left me so upside down. Why I was badly frustrated? Because I have been hoping for the very precious second chance and in instance I ruined it all myself. It's not that I did make any bad move but because I didn't make any move. I was overwhelmed by that coincidence moment that I guess I lost my mind. All those memories were so fascinating that I can’t seem to take my thought away from thinking about it. It hardly can be erased the moment when I was so captured by that so-like 'OMG, it's you' look. Amazing and silly upon reflecting the fact that it's been a year now since we met but we have never ever have the nerves to start a conversation. Instead, we simply share illegible wave, exotic smile and lavish stare. Sometimes I wonder what is it that impede us from uttering the first ever word to each other. Maybe speechless, astonish, amaze, stunt...but for sure is attracted.

I hate it like this

2010-09-23T00:21:00.003+08:00

I feel so terrible today...oh what a day. Above all it is just so awful that I cant find my own way...I'm so lost!!! What I feel like to do right at the moment is to run as far as I can and hide from every single person that I know. I lost my interest in the things that I like the most, I lost my motivation in study, I lost my faith in relationship, I lost my 'happy go lucky' mood but somehow I'm so glad that I haven't lost my will to live. The silly problem is that I have no idea on what went wrong with all that. Oh my, why does it has to happen right at this critical moment? I don't even know what the fish that I'm intended to share here. I tried to make believe that I am on the right track but the reality does not seems to agree with me. The reality is that I am a step behind in my priority, I am turning away from being committed in the relationship and I am losing my hope in bringing out the best in me for this very final abroad life. Gosh what on earth is happening to me? There must be a reason for every occurrence but I just can't think of one. I need a retreat or maybe a hard slap on my face to awake me. I am totally not happy for all these things and I am really badly want to get rid from this stupid situation...oh I just can't breath thinking about this.

What is it about?

2010-09-04T01:18:00.005+08:00

What I love about him is the honest love he bestowed
What I love about him is the loyalty deep within him
What I love about him is the "One and Only" phrase he said
What I love about him is the privileges I have in his heart
What I love about him is the way he comprehend me
What I love about him is his mischievous laughter
What I love about him is his spontaneous naughty
What I love about him is his endearing smile drew in the face
What I love about him is his alluring touch on me
What I love about him is that he is completely mine
What I love about him is that he made me fall in love with him every day.

What I hate about us is our major differences
What I hate about us is that we are madly in love
What I hate about love is the price we have to pay
What I hate about love is the distribution of blended feelings
What I hate about love is the choices we have to decide
What I hate about love is that the trigger of heartache
What I hate about love is the dropping of warm tears
What I hate the most is the word "Goodbye" between us

Forever in my heart

2010-04-27T01:14:00.003+08:00

I have learnt many things in life due to the breaking life. Too many experiences in life that I have went through and seen with my very own eyes till there are moment that I guess I have enough 'eyes' to analyse and evaluate any recurring situation. I have never been quite lucky in a relationship, but I move along the heartache and never get tired of meeting new people in fact. I have never had a second thought that girls should stop seeing other people once breaking down. I truly feel that different person is extremely different in many things though they are the same kind of human being called a MAN. Experience teaches us good things especially in differentiating something. Initially it makes us grown up. The matter of fact, I am satisfied with what I have found for myself...him. The man that gives me a real privileges. The risk that I have taken is equal to the privileges that I get. I don't know if I am so in love with him but he is just so special to me...the one that will stay forever in my heart.

Troubled trouble

2010-04-15T20:11:00.004+08:00

Troubles just never stop approaching. Yes they are just very annoying sometimes and very pressuring as the matter of fact. It is an interesting fact to know that I have unconsciously invited trouble to my dear life. I should have known better what I'm doing...but I didn't and that is extremely stupid I admit. I let things happen without putting myself as the priority. Now things are happening and are going very well in fact!! Oh God what am I doing??? To sacrifice the most important thing in my life just for the uncertain future of a so-called happily ever after is very very scaring and very very silly. The most pressuring thing is that I am coming after a situation that I have been trying to avoid all my life and I have no choice!! The only choice is to abandon the whole operation but that choice comes along with a great risk. Honestly to say, this is the most dangerous matter that I have ever encountered in my 24 years. Somehow I believe that I will find the most perfect solution when the time has come, till then I just got to go with the flow. I know for sure more troubles are coming in this operation. It is very tiring to deal with these things and yet so many times my piety is tested. One thing after another may have just hit me with undeniable dread...such a troubled trouble.

A Rainbow After Rain

2010-04-07T22:42:00.001+08:00

Reminiscing the life that she had...what a great lesson. Nature has always been the greatest teacher, for nature teaches things that not a single teacher can teach in the school. Upon seeing the family falling apart, she learns to live each of her day finding ways to avoid seeing nor hearing the break up...that was 15 years ago since she started running from it. 15 years she has pretending being deaf and dumb just to get away from it. She does has the right to speak cz she is part of the family but she wouldn't. Instead of knowing something, she would rather not to know anything. 4 years it has been since she really being apart and away from all those things that she loathed. Although she is all alone here but it is such a relief. It's not that bad anyway to live far from family. Each year in the university, she collects herself together. All the things that she went through alone teach her a valuable thing in life…there is always a rainbow after rain. Yes she does believe in that proverb. There is always a laughter after tears and a smile of success comes after hardship. Friends have always keeping her company and cheer her up when she is feeling worst. Being a happy go lucky person does help a lot it seems. Now here she goes, a final year student with a single mission; success. Family story is not a successful story so is her love story. Yeah commitment is not a very good idea sometimes…so do not declare anything. She used to hear a phrase that goes like this “Life is like a book. When we have finished with a chapter, we open up a new chapter.” Well yeah she is opening a new chapter now. Happy as she is, only time will tell how the story of the chapter will go. Right person, right place, wrong timing…why does he has to come to her when she is almost to return? To find the right person is the most essential thing for a girl. Will this be successful or will it be another turn down? Well whatever the answer will be, she knows that there is a rainbow after rain though it may be pain to decide.

Twilight

2010-04-06T23:41:00.003+08:00

An amazing twilight it is,
Having cease the sun and set the moon.
Thus evince the remaining light,
To the tiny catholic of earth people.
The dusk is yet to be exiled,
By the great lovelorn moon.
Within the shortest hour it has,
Cherished by the human,
Treasured evermore like a regal sojourn.
Seduce and solace the exasperate hearts,
For it is forever an alluring twilight.

by Fiona Danielle Choo

It Takes 2 To Dance

2010-02-13T02:11:00.012+08:00

Another year to go...my usual routine for the past 3 years. But this year there is a difference cuz when this year ends I won't repeat the same routine again, i'll stay. This is the fourth year I to and fro. Four years have passed and four years is what I have to think of what I really want, such a long moment I take to think. I do feel that it is just a blink of an eye. Come to think of it, it has been four years since I left everything behind. I left my place with a broken heart, badly broken into pieces actually which was broken by myself and others. Some memories stay and some gone in time. What stay inside me are things that I regretted the most, things that I wish I could rewind, things that still make me blue. Can you see how dreadful are the mistakes that I had done? I could write millions of apology but still wouldn't be enough to repent the hurt that I caused. I know the hurt is so deep inside that I'm not able to see where it stops. Whenever I close my eyes, I see the pain that he is holding on to have me. Denial by denial I put through him yet still he stays by my side, giving me everything that a girl would dream of to have. I was too blind to see that or perhaps to evaluate his love. What have I done? I stab his heart deeply for twice or maybe triple. That was four years ago when I pulled myself away from dancing with him. Now four years after, the memories come back to life. Conscious regrets has pushed me too far that now I realize I need him. It is a mistake I know completely. How on earth could I rewind every single thing that I had spoiled? Where on earth am I going to find him and say sorry or at least get to know if he has forgiven me although as a friend. He's happy now I heard and more busy I know. I'll wait, maybe wait a little more longer till I meet him again. I don't know if he will accept my appeal to dance with him or turn away as I did before but I got to give it a try so that I will know his decision. It always takes two to dance.

Another new year..

2010-01-05T17:44:00.002+08:00

Twenty Ten is just another year to go through. No resolutions to be made and that is a firm decision. Not even last year's resolutions were accomplished so waste no time listing down another future-unaccomplished resolutions. 2009 was not a happy year, at least not for me. Things went wrong almost in unpredictable way and they were just so hard to be forgotten. Things get worse when what happened years before came back to life, haunt my mind day and night. It was a "hot" year as everything that happened was so hot to deal with. Thank God I'm still here today. As for 2010, just wait and see..

In pain though it must be forgotten

2009-11-06T02:16:00.005+08:00

Speaking of time, it has been months ago since I updated this blog. This year is really hectic that I couldn't even spend some time to crack my mind to think on topics that I would love to share. Facebook is another reasons for this blog to be ignored. Blame it on the tight schedule and developed network. When come to think about 2009, this year seems to pass rapidly, never expect that it is November now. I'll be going back to my hometown in few more days after staying apart for 11 months (I usually fly back twice a year). This year, I come back with different feeling. I couldn't be indifferent to things that happen around me. Reminiscing but now I do not have the vivid pictures of the places that i used to hang out as i tried to release myself from who i used to be. The steps that Im taking of leaving behind these memories is hard to do and I knew it. I do not wish to track the past as past brings no good to my heart. The friends whom I used to be closed with, the person whom I used to rely on and the men whom I used to dream of...I'm struggling to erase them from my memories. Why it is so hard to leave the past? Maybe it is my heart that still hold on to it and somehow wishing that things will be fixed when I have the chance. Deep in my heart, I hope that it will happen but the voices within me are telling me that things are better left unsaid. Im trying to shut the book of misery that I have created by myself but there are some chapters that I wish the plot will never end.The track of my tears is visibly seen when I turn away for better life where light leads my pathway. When we leave something that means dearly to our heart, it knocks the door of tears and pain. In pain though it must be forgotten.

High School & Cheerleading

2009-02-02T23:28:00.003+08:00

Tell me one of the most famous uniform clubs in high school other than Scout? For a school that has a cheerleading club, it is the most wanted club for girls and boys. It isn’t famous because boys wanted to get in the club but they are after the girls in the club. Do cheer cheerleaders cz the moves turn the school upside down. But it isn’t about cheerleading alone, its really about high school life.

Well it was just a start in my school when I joined the club and eventually it wasn’t a club, we cheer for sports houses. A new sports trend dominated by errr mix blooded students (especially). I was the “non-mover” Blue member as I was The Blues since primary and so I stick to The Blues until the tragedy. We had a great team…organized, disciplined, good academic achievers (yeah right) but I don’t know what went wrong like there was no chemistry among us. That was the first and the last being The Blues. I couldn’t remember much what I did and the only move I could remember was the formation of big B and yeah the blue baby-t we used for the performance. Well I don’t have it anymore cz it already been given away to the juniors. The following year my friend came to me to borrow the shirt and the next day she said that she has freely given our shirts to the junior (damn it I bought that shirt!!). I said nothing but just a short “Oh” cz she was my best friend. That was the tragedy la la la. You wouldn’t give away you favourite shirt out of your willingness, will you? Guess what few days after I converted into The Reds cheerleading team but I was still half Blues cz I involved in the management hahaa. If you wonder if I ever feel bad for turning my back on The Blues, well the answer is not really. The Blues cheerleading team was taken over completely by the juniors and I dislike the juniors cuz they never like the seniors. Being with The Reds is where I found Mr. Fun and Mr. Enjoy. Yeah that are my major concern in everything that I do. I can’t stand being sooo serious most of the time. Actually The Blues and The Reds are friends and ya we hate Greenies and Yellows. Our school has a huge hall. We usually do our practice inside the hall together with other teams and we can use the PA system for better sound and then there it goes. Boys look at girls, girls get excited, cat fight (for copycatting), girls backbitting each other, bully, whatsoever etc and that is the time you will feel like to punch someone. In cheerleading, people like to make the pyramid formation. It looks easy but to make a perfect pyramid is not that easy. The one who hang on the tip of the pyramid gets the most attention, who and who on the bottom or wherever are not really attracting so position always create an internal conflict. And so to be equal, the leader will be on top but still depends on the situation. Not only that, they also like to jump here and there, climb up and down while shaking the poms and shouting.
There was a girl I remember being The Reds as me. She was a junior and @#$*&%. During one of the annual Sports Day performance, she created a scene. You know that a cheerleader’s skirt is short and to wear a short tight inside is a proper way (at least in Malaysia) but this little lalat had forgotten her tight at home after they had been reminded over and over again. And so when she jumped, the audience saw her property and they shrieked!! Even worse the front audiences were our school teachers, administrators and VIPs. The next thing we knew, she cried. Well we didn’t care much cz she is the type of girl who likes to create a scene. That was my last high school cheerleading performance. Come to think about it, it's all a process of being mature; a teenager on a rollercoaster. I don't jump here and there anymore cuz now I'm all about folk dance.

Little Palestine

2009-01-19T09:18:00.004+08:00

While we are enjoying New Year, the poor Palestine suffered in pain, live in terror and grieving for the death. They were attacked cruelly, bombed without mercy, left them nothing but the dead body of the loved ones. Day and night terror is their company and violence is waiting to take turn since Israel unleashed the “Operation Cast Lead” on December 27th 2008. How will we face it if it happens on us right here right now? To whom will you cry? Where will you hide if they are after you like a cat chase a mouse? I stood motionless the moment I read this pathetic news. Hundreds of innocent lives died, over thousands are wounded and the number is increasing day by day. I feel bad as I couldn’t offer any help. The only help that I could afford is prayer. There are people dying, crying for help and yet missiles keep on coming, chemical bombs are still dropping but we are still comfortably sleeping on our bed. It is not a sin to say a single prayer for them in a day when it takes only a minute of you time unless if you think it is a burden to you. I heard that fund raising is everywhere but personally for me it is not trustworthy. How much will be left by the moment the money reach the poor hands? There are times I wonder how much is too much before they can stop? The big brother United States is standing toughly behind Israel no matter how the world protest, beg or demand the States will always support Israel because of the Jews. I was listening to Eric Clapton “tears in heaven” when writing this article. There is no exception. The missiles are blind and yet guided by blind people towards a living community consists of men, women and children. The result is devastating. Countless loss of lives, the surviving sweated in blood, some go blind, some become disabled. Maybe we could not immerse into their feeling as we never experience living in the valley of death but they are all human being just like us and it’s all that matter so remember to say a little prayer for them.

2009..

2009-01-14T23:02:00.005+08:00

I have something to say about 2009... I like this number and I have read something about 2009 feng shui hahaa. The lucky colour is purple and of course that's not my fav colour but I had my room painted in purple. The number itself is the lucky number so do buy lottery that contain the number 9...well that's according to Lillian Too 2009 book of fengshui..and I haven't finished reading the book yet. I'll add some more later.

Ok now I continue. Chinese believe the power of jade. It is even more precious than diamond and pearl. This year, the green emerald jade can be use to enhance luck. So it is advised to wear jade amulet or whatsoever that you can bring along with you all the time.
Other than that, those who were born in the year of rooster and horse are said to be lucky. It is because this year these signs are under the Stars of Nobleman. Help and protection are likely to come whenever these people are in trouble and come without their expectation.

New Year must bring new luck and better yet new wealth. For that reason, it is advised to have a new wallet/purse to attract the wealth luck. This new wallet/purse must be filled with “new” money. It will be even better if the “new” money is given by a rich people.
For house fengshui, it is advised not to put aquarium or whatever watery thing on the right side of the main door (if you stand from the inside). Hang the pictures of babies if you wish to add family members. Avoid hanging sad pictures as it may influence the mood of the house members.

A spEak of heArt

2008-10-08T17:44:00.002+08:00

Here I am staring at the stars and standing hundred miles away from you. Deep in my heart, how small I am being away from my perfect angel. I always have been the kind of girl that tell myself that I am damn fine for all this. I sit and reminisce those days back in birth state, it was quite a show. Life is great yet short and fragile. It can break anytime but who to know if I were to seal my life with joy and faith. So easy for a mortal like me to say it but I am already aware of it. I owe myself a perfect life that only I will create. Why would I say it when I need someone to help me? Do I? Believe me if I say No but with crossed finger of course. I’m not that perfect yet to walk alone…I need backup, maybe a team of SWAT (Special Witchcraft Abracadabra Team) or just someone who is destined to live his life with me CRAPPP!! People come and go like a movie star rising up and down in his career. Who else can know me this better if not my mother? So be it. She kept me in her womb for nine months, delivers this little creature with pain, raises me up, teaches me about life, offers me protection, shows me the meaning of love, showered me with blessings and grants me a modest life. Mom said get home early…I hanky-panky and reached home few minutes before 6AM. Mom said try not to fall for Chinese guy…I didn’t but I fall for Chinese-looking guy or Sino at least. Mom said study hard for exam…I’ve tried and I laugh hard before exam. Mom said be a good staff when on duty…well I dutifully finish up a bottle of Captain Morgan with colleagues. Mom said do saving…I did but invest for my wardrobe. Mom said find a good man…I did but too many in a list so I dropped all. Mom said take a good care of myself…I said OK then hangover twice a week, fight in the club and drive like F1 without license. Somehow you knew that I lied in some circumstances but you understand how excited I was in getting to know life. After all, here I am a young lady of yours. It is almost time for me to offer back what you have given to me. I’ve tried so had to understand life that u have gone through. So many broken pieces inside your heart and so many shattered images you’ve tried to forget. You keep it to yourself pretending that these were just mere dreams. You look at me and smile. That old smile stung my heart, freeze my lips, lock my mind. In times of despair, you come to me and restore my faith towards a small institution called family. You are so much stronger that you lift me up again and create a sense of reassure when you touch me. You whisper gently that there is a hope beyond hardship. Sometimes I wish you wouldn’t see me like this knowing it breaks my heart to see you shed a tear. You know how pathetic I can be without you but each time I break down; you’ll remind me of future life without you. I grow stronger for myself and appreciate each day I live as you have given me life in this world.

My ResEarch

2008-08-22T20:02:00.002+08:00

My dear friends... I am doing a research on communication. Kindly post a respond of opinion/view regarding to the topic or directly respond to the group author at teslexecutiveclub.blogspot.com .Your respond is very much appreciated Thank you. The topic is:
Communication between couples : Before and After Marriage/Declaration

CuriOusity VS JeAlouSy

2008-08-15T23:28:00.005+08:00

I rise from my bed after been lying down motionless stared on the walls that keep me privately in my room. If my intention today is to create a happy day and flying freely in my own fantasy then I have to find another day as it was disturbed. Just as soon as I get off the bed and looking at the beauty of nature through the wide open window, a message shakes the phone. The message is short and simple but sound silly to me. It came from a friend who I guess has lost her consciousness. What on earth she’s thinking that I might seize her not-my-type beau. I would rather jump off a building if he is the last man on earth to be clung on. My notion is that there must be something that this guy said about me that burn her up to head…this is an example of creature that can’t live without trouble. It is okay then, I accept it and I’ll make it good but above all do accept what I’m going to say…a warm welcome to my Cursing Day. Kindly accept it my dear troublemakers. A lady may feel curious in the beginning and definitely will end up as jealousy if the man talks like there’s no tomorrow. Same goes to men. A relationship claims for trust, understanding and commitment. Sometimes your beau may acted strangely, evoke a curiousity in you and you most likely ask yourself “Why is he doing this?” “Why didn’t he ask me my day as usual?” “Is he mad at me?” “Is he hiding something?” and most common “Is he seeing someone else?” It’s not like what you think. Give a little space to each other; own privacy on a certain time. And maybe your beau just needed a little more attention, a little more affection from you. Well you know just a little bit of manja-manja and mengada-gada. Jealousy is another action…a dense one. How are you going to differentiate curiousity and jealousy? When your beau started to mock you, show you his ugliest look, bring up the past, convict your stand when you say a word, create a hell of anger, in messages too you’re not free and you finally jaded. Some people just keep quite when jealousy diving inside their heart…a dangerous type, like a snake creeping in the dark. You wouldn’t know what you have done wrong, not until he gives you a brainwash or tell you about it after quite some time. Speak frankly, a girl like me can get jealous easily but it only last at that moment. People say jealous means tender, love, care but it may be vary and there are times when it actually makes you sick and tired. Loyalty has been questioned over and over again. If it happens on me, probably I will say that I'm having a bad hair day and if this someone of mine asks why I’m saying this and if I were to reply him, definitely I will say “make way for relation destruction”.

HealTh SessiOn

2008-08-12T09:15:00.002+08:00

Ok so here’s the fact or maybe a research result and probably a belief. Ask anyone at your home of they ever practice this. I got this from a friend. I'm not so sure bout the effectiveness as I’ve never tried but I do believe in the effectiveness of the one at the bottom of the list.

Insomnia = honey, or try Lavender as aroma therapy

Upset stomach = banana

Morning sickness and nausea = ginger

PMS = cornflakes

Memory problem = oysters

Cough = red pepper

Breast cancer = wheat bran, cabbage

Lung cancer = orange, green vegetable

Ulcer = cabbage

High blood pressure = olive oil, celery

Bones problem = pineapple

Arthritis & headache = fish

Strokes = tea

Asthma = red onion

Diarrhea = apples

Brokenhearted = find new one

When we said It's over

2008-07-31T02:37:00.005+08:00

This little thing called love is a deja vu. After years of waiting, enjoying life and there he is standing in front of me. Looking rather anticipates and persisting that the feeling is real, but how real could it be? I refuse to believe; a hesitation against eagerness. It may conceal with lies or perhaps white lies. But stop and think; it may be real. A confusion interfere, doubting own feeling and causes dilemma. Gosh I just hate it. I got to be true to myself or give myself a chance at least. Eyes meet eyes; a splendid excitement runs through my veins, my heart is beating faster. It feels so good to be loved and to know that someone there is thinking and missing me. It is a majestic feeling that God ever created. We put faith in God, devotion in love and trust in liaison but life is like a novel and this is just a chapter of it. He showered me love but this love isn't meant to be mine. True enough that love takes time to build but only a moment to crush. I never promise him a happy ending and he never vow for an eternal love and that's when we said it's over. Now we turn into own path of life. Memories remain and faded as time goes by..

cuz I hAd A bAd dAy

2008-07-23T15:23:00.002+08:00

Today is the worst day since I came back to UKM. Started out with some stupid drivers then stupid shows then stupid events then ended up with stupid people. I am almost at the peak of my patience till I feel like to punch someone. Why somebody has to be so sophisticated? Why want to make things get more complicated? I just hate it..

God's CreAturE...A FrieNd..

2008-07-16T02:54:00.003+08:00

Friends...thats what they for. Everyone needs a friend and friends are essential to have. As we grow up, we lost a lot of companions whom were then replaced by new comers. Along the way, we tend to lose memories of those who has gone. I was looking through this particular "friend finder" thing in the internet last night and I saw this girl. I am very sure it was her that I had missed out in my journey reaching out for success. Clueless that I may seem and I don't have the guts to tell her frankly that I want to know her again. And so I text her to tell that I've met her before, but then I think of the situation the moment she read the text. How would she feel? What is she going to say? And most of all, will she remember me? .Then I scrolled down, I came across another girl friend...my dearest best friend; used to be. I still appreciate our friendship, still assume her as my best pal ever. Small thing has ruined everything and that was a great lesson. Its been years since I talked to her and I remember vividly the first time we talk. Now I'm here and she's there.. pretending not knowing that we are still living near by.

untitle..

2008-07-10T00:08:00.002+08:00

Life is a journey. Sometimes we needed a break in life. Probably we need a pleasant stop that take us to the other world for a moment and forget things that make us sad. There are times when it could make us realize of something that we have missed in this beautiful life. There are more than to meet the eyes.

Thursday...

2008-07-03T09:27:00.002+08:00

Today is Thursday... tomorrow is going to be my last day in this school. I do feel sad and I do want to stay. My friends especially those who always idle at multimedia room, my day at school would be called a day without them. Most of the entertainment come from this room and these people (you know who you are). Next week I'll be at UKM and live my life as usual. Thursday is not my day, Thursday is not a favourite and Thursday is the end for a good week. I had a good times here and a good sweet times that I wish I can feel it again after all these years been held with something unexpected. I'm waiting for these for quite some time. I hope Thursday will be a good day in another time. Another day, another time I will wait to get back here again..

3rd week...here I come..

2008-06-23T09:15:00.002+08:00

Morning everyone... this is my 3rd week doing pre-practicum in SMKKL. Waw I feel like I don't want to leave this school. Though this school is not that "exclusive" but it really makes me feel good. The teachers are friendly, helpful Senior Assistants..make me comfortable. Next week will be my final week at school then I shall be going back to UKM then continue the same old campus life. I still haven't done much of the report hehe.. For some reasons, I just don't know how and where to start the folio. See ya in the next report..

Skuls out..

2008-06-12T11:54:00.002+08:00

Mayday maydayy... This is my 4th day at school. Waw I can't believe I'm here sitting in the staff room, converse with senior teachers like friends, look after students in their classroom, and the greatest thing is when a student greets "Good morning teacher". I tell you the worst thing..get up early in the morning and be at school at 6.30AM. I can hardly open my eyes in the morning..helppp.Another 3 weeks to go and I hope I can get use of this routine..in the future haha.. See ya in the next post..

See Ya Around...

2008-05-06T18:58:00.002+08:00

Time has passed so fast now. Tomorrow will be my last paper then holiday will surely be the next activity. Funny it seems seeing things happened in one sem. Ups and down, bittersweet of life of a student all come along with success and failure but that is just a test. Reminisce those days and it just a sweet memories.. nothing much to say, just happy holiday and have fun..

Exam Is Just Around The Corner

2008-04-15T22:18:00.003+08:00

Now is the beginning of study week and now we are preparing for dance practical exam instead of written exam. I could not express what I feel cause I don't feel anything. No enthusiasm to study for the time being. When think about the first exam paper on this coming Monday, that will be Psycholinguistic, I feel like to faint hehe.. Nothing much actually about this exam. Im doing fine so far and I have a pretty good learning strategy (everybody has their own strategy right) that I use to survive at the eleventh hour. What's you study skills? Some people can hardly study during the early semester and some poeple can only study last minute. Then some say that those who study last minutes are lazy people but indeed thats how some can study at the utmost...giving out the greatest concentration and then ended up with the greatest stress..just joking. Above all, no matter what we say and do, the time has come to combat at the battle field (I mean exam hall). Good luck to everyone in this coming examination..

I'm GoinG Up aNd DowN

2008-03-30T16:30:00.010+08:00

It's been a few weeks since we've done MAKUM Boria. Now I'm practicing for another show at UTP next Saturday. Suddenly I feel exhausted and no longer interested to perform dance show. Maybe I'm too tired and maybe, just maybe it's show time for study haha.. good reason isn't it? Actually I'm really into dancing and would love to learn new dances. I'm really thankful that Puan Hazelina has chosen me (and Suzie) to be participate in dance show/competition/activities that represent UKM. I did not have real basic or attend any courses about dance artistic. It's such a good luck!! But I did dance during primary school and went nuts for cheerleading during high school. I did still exposed to dance, didn't I? I'm grateful for being showered with God's blessing. From the bottom of my heart, I hope everything will go smoothly until my final year and I have the nerve to stay strong with those senior..it's just quite unacceptable to work with some of the senior for the time being.. Just like the bridge picture above, I just need to walk over it slowly to reach to the end. It might be slippery but courage will bring it on. It's like a spit on the face but everything have to move on anyway and I'm trying hard to accept everything for own good and for God sake hehehe...

This and that..

2008-03-25T21:26:00.007+08:00

I've just completed my 2nd Psycholinguistics quiz. It feels so good to finish up all these quizzes. I don't know why I couldn't 'get along' with this subject. It's not that hard and not that easy too..it just..emm I don't know. I'm not really interested in it I guess. Ok,that's all. My main focus now is final exam..the greatest deal in every semester. Another good news is that I has just received a confirmation letter from Education Faculty stating that I'm allowed to do my pre-practicum course back in my hometown.It was such a relief. This is only a starter as a trainee teacher, I couldn't imagine the day I will start my real teaching day;around three years more to go. Miss my hometown a lot, miss my mum, my dad, my brothers and sister, my beloved nephew, my friends and most important my cats hehe.. I just feel like to kidnap one of the cat here in my campus because it looks like my cat back in my home in KK. Some more, I really miss those local foods. I'm dying for it and I'm dying for seafood!!! (It's quite cheap in Sabah). Well seafood cost quite high here (in KL)...that's my opinion. No heart feeling k..to those who read this..peace. I talked to my ex-colleague last night, we had a good conversation especially when she laughed at me about my current profession(a student). We reminisce those days in high school. I am totally an absent-minded student and always the top ranking name in absent student name list..bad attendance. And now I'm studying to become a teacher! I feel weird too for myself. All my high school teachers must be laughing ridiculously. But hey, that's always happen right? Students with silly attitude but not stupid often can think better and do better things..because they are happy with their life..

Who's there....

2008-03-20T22:57:00.004+08:00

Boria Festival MAKUM 2008 at USM, Penang.. A great costume made by Abg Zul, make-up by abg Chan and abg Yus, hair-do by abg Chan..

2008-03-20T22:26:00.001+08:00

buzy buzy buzy....

2008-03-20T20:50:00.006+08:00

It's been such a buzy week for me. Last week, I went to USM,Penang representing UKM for Boria competition. I was nervous at first. This is my first show and this is my first big event in university level. So far I did not have any problem of stage-fright...heheh.. I kind of like it actually, perform an artistic in front of many people with great make-up and hair do, cheering up their day and make them relax for awhile. During the competiton day, I was not excited but instead I felt the passion running through my body, not any of it slipping through my fingers. Of course I hope for victory but it was way out of my thinking. We make friends with all other universities except for University Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia (UTHM). I still remember the first day we met at Dewan Budaya, USM, they gave us such a heart-touching welcome by howling 'boooo' at us. I felt glad they did not won a single thing for this MAKUM, what goes around comes around I guess. When we were announced as the first runner-up, we screamed to the top of our lung. We were overwhealm by the victory and I feel great screaming with happiness. Though we did not perform "that well" but as least we enjoyed every single step we did and that is the most important...

A Book of Memories

2008-03-09T22:18:00.002+08:00

Hidden in the attic,
all the way upstairs,
is something very special,
that I would like to share.

My hopes,
my dreams,
old photographs,
of good times and bad times that make me laugh.

The joy of a hug,
the thrill of a kiss,
leaves me to remember the pure, simple bliss.

I cry for the fun,
and giggle for the pain,
I enjoyed the good life I was able to maintain.

The thoughts and wishes,
they all stay with me,
all of these contained in my book of memories.

by Kathleen Sheppard

A new day has come...

2008-03-04T13:33:00.001+08:00

hello...
this is my first trial using this blogspot...